Speramus meliora; resurget cineribus

we hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes

its finally over
its over its over its over its over its over

come pick me up, ive landed

the power to walk away.
i have such a longing for home, in all situations.. the apartment, carousel, kzoo... and the need to start all over and create a new one.

throw it all around, like its nothing special, just a sound

it's funny how you can give words of comfort, words to empower another, in hopes of them realizing the light and hold on for one more day... when all seems abandoned and they have lost the last little glittering speck of hope, just a simple gesture of kindness or a few meaningful sentences letting them know they are worth the fight because
they are
who they are
and that alone should be enough- they have worth and they are beautiful.
they take that with them, let it sink in, and have a wonderful self realization at some point down the road that turns over a new leaf and life becomes okay again. one step in front of the other...



unfortunately, you yourself dont believe in a damn word you just said.

open up the book you beat me with again

Open up the book you beat me with again.
Read it off one sentence at a time.
I'm tired of all the lines,
Convictions and your lies.
What right do you have to point at me?

Well, I'm sitting alone thinking about it all over coffee.
And still crowdin' my space are the things you still hold against me.
You cannot save me.

you are a rock, upon which i stand, and ive come here to talk, i hope you understand

im really missing kalamazoo at the moment.
i miss watching the world from the balcony with alia.
going to hear jon and rob play open mic night.
walking around campus with johney.
going to hunan with jes.
late night talks with joe.
i like warm nights in kalamazoo- whether it was walking downtown from campus to sit, talk, and smoke in the pavilion, hang out at the bar, play games at video hits, or sit and watch the fountains.
i think i need to go back soon...

i had to fall to lose it all, but in the end, it doesnt even matter

She said I don't know if I've ever been good enough I'm a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in And I don't know if I've ever been really loved By hand that's touched me, well I feel like something's gonna give And I'm a little bit angry, well This ain't over, no not here, not while I still need you around You don't owe me, we might change Yeah we just might feel good (Chorus) I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will I wanna take you for granted, I wanna take you for granted, yeah I will, I will Well I will She said I don't know why you ever would lie to me Like I'm a little untrusting when I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya And I don't know why you couldn't just stay with me You couldn't stand to be near me When my face don't seem to want to shine 'cuz It's a little bit dirty well Don't just stand there, say nice things to me I've been cheated I've been wronged you, And you don't know me, I can't change I won't do anything at all (Chorus) I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will I wanna take you for granted, I wanna take you for granted, yeah I will, I will Oh but don't bowl me over Just wait a minute well it kinda fell apart, things get so crazy, crazy Don't rush this baby, don't rush this Baby, baby (Chorus) I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will I wanna take you for granted, yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna take you, take you, yeah, well I will, I will, I will, I will I will, I will, I will, Yeah, yeah, push you around, I'll drag you down, I wanna push you around Well I will

Honey why you callin me so lateIt's kinda hard to talk right nowHoney why you cryinIs everything okI gotta whisper cause I can't be too loudWell my girl's in the next roomSometimes I wish it it was youI guess we never really moved onIt's really good to hear your voiceSay my name It sounds so sweetComin from the lips of an angelHearin those wordsIt makes me weakLetters INever want to say goodbyeBut girl you make it hard to be faithfulWith the lips of an angelIt's funny that you're callin me tonightAnd yes I dreamt of you tooHe dosen't know you're talkin to meWe'll start a fightNo, I don't think she has a clueWell, my girl's in the next roomSometimes I wish it it was youI guess we never really moved onIt's really good to hear your voiceSay my name It sounds so sweetComin from the lips of an angelHearin those wordsIt makes me weakLetters INever want to say goodbyeBut girl you make it hard to be faithfulWith the lips of an angelIt's really good to hear your voiceSay my name it sounds so sweetComin from the lips of an angelHearin those wordsIt makes me weakLetters INever want to say goodbyeBut girl you make it hard to be faithfulWith the lips of an angelNever want to say goodbyeBut girl you make it hard to be faithfulWith the lips of an angelHoney why you callin me so late?

I feel my wings have broken in your handsI feel the words unspoken in sidePull you underAnd I would give you anything you wantOoohYou were all I wantedAnd all my dreams have fallen downCrawling around (round)Somebody save meLet warm hands break right threw and Somebody save meI dont care how you do it just Save Save Come onI've been waiting for youI see the world has folded in your heartI feel the waves crash down insideIt pulled me under I would give you anything you wantOoohYou were all I wanted All my dreams have fallen downCrawling around (round)Somebody save me Let you warm hands break right threw andSomebody save meI dont care how you do it just SaveSaveCome on I've been waiting for youAll my dreams are on the groundCrawling around (round)Somebody save meLet your warm hands break right threw andSomebody save meI dont care how you do it Just save meI'll make this whole world shine for youJust SaveSave Come onIm still waiting for you

frightened of jumping, incase i survive...

I figured I should probably post something new on here since I've told a couple people that this blog is in existance.

I actually dont even know what to write..
maybe ill try again tomorrow and see if i can form into words whats going on inside me at the moment.

I just wonder how much of recent events will come back to kick me in the ass. Truthful or not, I like the reassurance of "everything will be alright".


I look away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Todays the day
I pray that we make it through
Make it through the fall
Make it through it all
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I'm in love with you