im going to be in kzoo this weekend.
can i convince you bitches to go out clubbin?
as the wise dane cook said... "I just gotta DANCE."
anyone interested? ;)
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
run my baby, run my baby run
i had a post yesterday. due to bad connection or what not, it never posted- then i got frustrated and walked away.
i dont remember what words of wisdom i was trying to bestow to you, dear weblog readers- aka john and joe ;)
the only thing i do remember was i was going to close with words for the ages, as said by my sister...
after belching very loud...
"Good thing that didnt come out of my ass, or i would have shit myself!"
sexy.
i dont remember what words of wisdom i was trying to bestow to you, dear weblog readers- aka john and joe ;)
the only thing i do remember was i was going to close with words for the ages, as said by my sister...
after belching very loud...
"Good thing that didnt come out of my ass, or i would have shit myself!"
sexy.
Monday, September 12, 2005
this is my december...
i feel like im turning into The Dave. I've added calcium to my daily Olay vitamin pack which basically means im taking 6 pills in the morning. That just seems like a lot of tablets to me.
Now, at least is does. Back in highschool i dont think that would have made much of a difference. I was downing pain killers like it was my job- trying to stop the random/not so random pains throughout my chest and abdomen. when i left for college i all but stopped taking medicine- with the occassional tylenol...
hmm..
where the hell am i going with this.
can you tell i really have nothing better to write about?
if anyone is looking for new music- i recommend the new Cold cd. i likes cold.
at the moment i *should* be showering, going to the post office, checking out apartments, and grocery shopping. not at the same time, hopefully.
instead i am here-
all i really need is my sister to stop by with the baby. that would get me up and moving... out.
but she did give me a nice quote yesterday which i've remembered just so you fine people can use it in your daily lives. inspirational words, i guess.
after belching loud and chunky, my younger sister declared, " Good thing that didnt come out of my ass, or i would have shit myself!"
sexy. plain and simple.
peace out, dogs.
Now, at least is does. Back in highschool i dont think that would have made much of a difference. I was downing pain killers like it was my job- trying to stop the random/not so random pains throughout my chest and abdomen. when i left for college i all but stopped taking medicine- with the occassional tylenol...
hmm..
where the hell am i going with this.
can you tell i really have nothing better to write about?
if anyone is looking for new music- i recommend the new Cold cd. i likes cold.
at the moment i *should* be showering, going to the post office, checking out apartments, and grocery shopping. not at the same time, hopefully.
instead i am here-
all i really need is my sister to stop by with the baby. that would get me up and moving... out.
but she did give me a nice quote yesterday which i've remembered just so you fine people can use it in your daily lives. inspirational words, i guess.
after belching loud and chunky, my younger sister declared, " Good thing that didnt come out of my ass, or i would have shit myself!"
sexy. plain and simple.
peace out, dogs.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
im ready im waiting with a gun and a pack of sandwiches you want me? come on and break the door down
random-
i hope jorids comes out with a cd soon- my sister was rooting for her for 'teh win'.
anyone want to take in a stray cat? the woman across the street died, and someone just let her cat out to roam the neighborhood til it dies, i guess. its big and white with a grey tail.
they switched over to a night crew at work, and didn't tell me about it. which i thought was weird, because that was the reason i was hired. im still at 6 am.
i ran into "Chris"- who is now on the nightcrew (the goth "im the biggest dork you'll ever meet" guy). he told me that he would mention to someone that i should go to nights. then he told me that i really caught him offguard from our previous conversation about action figures.
that really just made me wonder why he would try to have that conversation with me, if he thought i knew nothing about what he was talking about.
do people do that?
its not like im going to walk up to someone ive just met and say "hey, how about that establishing micro-credit type institutions in sub-saharan Africa?" *playful punch in the shoulder and then proceed to have a one sided conversation where the other person just nods for 5 minutes.
what was he expecting? "hey, the new transformers are pretty cool."
(1)- yeah, but i dont like how small the new Optimus is compared to Starscream. They even have him standing on a box, in the display. but i guess it doesnt matter... i have a handful of the energon series- it's not like im going to buy any more soon, unless they have a cool set of mini-cons or something.
or
(2) *blank stare* ... rrrrrright.
*shrug
8 days to my birthday.
and a couple weeks for Jofish. how old are you going to be this year? i never remember how old anyone is.. except that john is like... 40.
i hope jorids comes out with a cd soon- my sister was rooting for her for 'teh win'.
anyone want to take in a stray cat? the woman across the street died, and someone just let her cat out to roam the neighborhood til it dies, i guess. its big and white with a grey tail.
they switched over to a night crew at work, and didn't tell me about it. which i thought was weird, because that was the reason i was hired. im still at 6 am.
i ran into "Chris"- who is now on the nightcrew (the goth "im the biggest dork you'll ever meet" guy). he told me that he would mention to someone that i should go to nights. then he told me that i really caught him offguard from our previous conversation about action figures.
that really just made me wonder why he would try to have that conversation with me, if he thought i knew nothing about what he was talking about.
do people do that?
its not like im going to walk up to someone ive just met and say "hey, how about that establishing micro-credit type institutions in sub-saharan Africa?" *playful punch in the shoulder and then proceed to have a one sided conversation where the other person just nods for 5 minutes.
what was he expecting? "hey, the new transformers are pretty cool."
(1)- yeah, but i dont like how small the new Optimus is compared to Starscream. They even have him standing on a box, in the display. but i guess it doesnt matter... i have a handful of the energon series- it's not like im going to buy any more soon, unless they have a cool set of mini-cons or something.
or
(2) *blank stare* ... rrrrrright.
*shrug
8 days to my birthday.
and a couple weeks for Jofish. how old are you going to be this year? i never remember how old anyone is.. except that john is like... 40.
basic english
Examples why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. They formed a row on the side of the canoe.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, w hen the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. They formed a row on the side of the canoe.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, w hen the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
jet
I'm changing now the wind is at my back
And I'm so ready to go
And I cannot sleep tonight for tomorrow
Ain't gonna get to you tonight
Like a wild jet plain arrives - forgiven
See that your time wasn't a waste
Don't you let her leave you tonight,
you know she can't be sorry for affectionate lies
She's so sweet for her crimes
Like a wild jet plane, fly - forgiven
Now you'll never catch me looking back,
though I've still a long way to go
Don't you count on me tonight
You need to find your own way home
Like a sinking ship dives, like a wild jet plain arise - forgiven
And I'm so ready to go
And I cannot sleep tonight for tomorrow
Ain't gonna get to you tonight
Like a wild jet plain arrives - forgiven
See that your time wasn't a waste
Don't you let her leave you tonight,
you know she can't be sorry for affectionate lies
She's so sweet for her crimes
Like a wild jet plane, fly - forgiven
Now you'll never catch me looking back,
though I've still a long way to go
Don't you count on me tonight
You need to find your own way home
Like a sinking ship dives, like a wild jet plain arise - forgiven
Monday, September 05, 2005
sigh
A guy walks into the local welfare office for his monthly check. He marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi. You know, I just HATE coming in here drawing welfare month after month. I'd really much rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent.We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants achauffeur-bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drivearound in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Becauseof the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escorther on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartmentabove the garage and the starting salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy says, "You're bullshitting me!"
The social worker says,"Yeah, well, you started it."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent.We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants achauffeur-bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drivearound in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Becauseof the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escorther on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartmentabove the garage and the starting salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy says, "You're bullshitting me!"
The social worker says,"Yeah, well, you started it."
Saturday, September 03, 2005
how can we fix this if we have no adhesion?
long time, no post.
what is up. does anyone ever look at this, except the occassional spam post?
any-hoo....
i was trained in the art of toys r us stocking by a 6'4" rail thin goth with red contact lenses. he was extremely bubbly for 6 in the morning. he actually reminds me of a combination of chris1, and old roommate who would run around my apartment naked pretending to mount my stuffed panda, and chris2 who i used to work with- who would work like a maniac and seems to be waiting for his father to just die. i cant remember the goth guy's name, so i just call him chris.
as the morning progressed, he attempted to "out-dork" me- in an attempt to prove he was a bigger geek, and therefore- the epitome of cool. ???
it confused me at first, until i realized what he was trying to do. his knowledge of toys- tv- 80s trivia etc etc... however, he didn't know that i had lived with joe, john, and adam... and i listened.
bring it on.
the only examples i can really remember were kinda like how he mentioned how he and his friends would do a little thing called "mystery scince theatre 3000" to movies like 'catwoman' but it was so bad that they couldnt even make fun of it. so i let him know that they should try the movie 'jesus christ vampire hunter:the musical" since we couldnt get through that one, either.
-marcy 1, chris 0.
then he let me know that he owns about 1,000 transformers. i told him that my transformers were set up in a battle scene ontop of the enertainment center with gi joes, rainbow brite, homies, and minicons dancing/fighting around their feet. he 'countered' by mentioning that they are making a live action movie- which i already knew, and told him i hope they dont fuck it up but it looks like they might have the right team assembled to make it. he then mentioned the 80s movie, and i told him how they said "shit" and it got people up in arms.
-tie.
later he started quoting Stewie from family guy, and i completed the last few lines when he quit.
nothing huge, just little things that the couple other people working there had no idea what he was talking about. i did. so i let him kno. i was in on all his little inside jokes wether he wanted me to be or not.
anyway. i've put in 74 hours in a week and a half at my other job- serving/setup/break down for a catering company. $12-15 an hour. they're hiring if anyone is interested. ;)
that is all for now.
continue doing what you were doing.
what is up. does anyone ever look at this, except the occassional spam post?
any-hoo....
i was trained in the art of toys r us stocking by a 6'4" rail thin goth with red contact lenses. he was extremely bubbly for 6 in the morning. he actually reminds me of a combination of chris1, and old roommate who would run around my apartment naked pretending to mount my stuffed panda, and chris2 who i used to work with- who would work like a maniac and seems to be waiting for his father to just die. i cant remember the goth guy's name, so i just call him chris.
as the morning progressed, he attempted to "out-dork" me- in an attempt to prove he was a bigger geek, and therefore- the epitome of cool. ???
it confused me at first, until i realized what he was trying to do. his knowledge of toys- tv- 80s trivia etc etc... however, he didn't know that i had lived with joe, john, and adam... and i listened.
bring it on.
the only examples i can really remember were kinda like how he mentioned how he and his friends would do a little thing called "mystery scince theatre 3000" to movies like 'catwoman' but it was so bad that they couldnt even make fun of it. so i let him know that they should try the movie 'jesus christ vampire hunter:the musical" since we couldnt get through that one, either.
-marcy 1, chris 0.
then he let me know that he owns about 1,000 transformers. i told him that my transformers were set up in a battle scene ontop of the enertainment center with gi joes, rainbow brite, homies, and minicons dancing/fighting around their feet. he 'countered' by mentioning that they are making a live action movie- which i already knew, and told him i hope they dont fuck it up but it looks like they might have the right team assembled to make it. he then mentioned the 80s movie, and i told him how they said "shit" and it got people up in arms.
-tie.
later he started quoting Stewie from family guy, and i completed the last few lines when he quit.
nothing huge, just little things that the couple other people working there had no idea what he was talking about. i did. so i let him kno. i was in on all his little inside jokes wether he wanted me to be or not.
anyway. i've put in 74 hours in a week and a half at my other job- serving/setup/break down for a catering company. $12-15 an hour. they're hiring if anyone is interested. ;)
that is all for now.
continue doing what you were doing.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
i came here with a load, and it feels so much lighter now i've met you
i posted my resume on monster.com.
so far, i've been sent info from enterprise- to sell used cars
and primerica. i cant explain primerica. but if you google it, you can find all the details. mostly bad...
i dont really see how an international politics degree with an urge to see the world translates into used cars. but hey. i cant be picky right now.
thats why i will be working mornings at toys r us- and weekends serving for a catering company.
funny thing is- instead of working for rock financial, i will be serving them dinner on saturday.
so far, i've been sent info from enterprise- to sell used cars
and primerica. i cant explain primerica. but if you google it, you can find all the details. mostly bad...
i dont really see how an international politics degree with an urge to see the world translates into used cars. but hey. i cant be picky right now.
thats why i will be working mornings at toys r us- and weekends serving for a catering company.
funny thing is- instead of working for rock financial, i will be serving them dinner on saturday.
Bubba applied for an engineering position at a Lake Charles refinery. A Yankee applied for the same job. Both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test. Upon completion of the test, each man had missed only one question out of ten. The manager went to Bubba and said: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the Yankee the job." Bubba asked, "and why are you giving him the job? We each got nine questions correct. This being Louisiana, and me being a Southern boy, I should get the job!" The manager said, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the one question that you both missed." Bubba then asked, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" The manager replied: "Bubba, it's like this. For question # 4 the Yankee wrote; 'I don't know.' And you wrote, 'Neither do I.'"
Monday, August 08, 2005
and i cant even really believe, no one was sent to get me...
I went to a picnic yesterday. I was told by a mentally retarded guy that I looked like Kelly Bundy, from Married With Children. I don't know if he meant to say Christina Applegate or really Kelly Bundy. I'm just hoping it wasnt Kelly from the early 80s. Needless to say, I didn't have a spandex dress on or bangs that could touch the ceiling. I think my long, straight, blonde hair was really the only match for a Kelly Bundy comparison. *shrugs*
When I was 13, a 30ish guy was trying to hit on me in Marvelous Marvin's Mechanical Museum. He told me I looked like Kim Basinger. He then inserted a quarter into a touch screen game that you would usually find in a bar, and wanted me to play a round with him. However, I think the options screen confused him because instead of selecting the game *for guys* where you would get a woman in a bikini to look at with a trivia question underneath, he chose "guys" and ended up with guys laying around in thong swimsuits on beaches. He then just looked really confused, mumbled something about the game being broken and stumbled off, to masturbate furiously in the mens room- for all I know...
When I was 14, my then bf told me I kinda looked like Kate Moss. However, I didn't subsequently starve myself to keep that look. Or, more realistically, I never really looked like Kate Moss.
I think that's everyone I've been compared to. At least, thats all I can remember.
Any others you can think of? (referring to the 2 people that *might* read this, that know me...)
When I was 13, a 30ish guy was trying to hit on me in Marvelous Marvin's Mechanical Museum. He told me I looked like Kim Basinger. He then inserted a quarter into a touch screen game that you would usually find in a bar, and wanted me to play a round with him. However, I think the options screen confused him because instead of selecting the game *for guys* where you would get a woman in a bikini to look at with a trivia question underneath, he chose "guys" and ended up with guys laying around in thong swimsuits on beaches. He then just looked really confused, mumbled something about the game being broken and stumbled off, to masturbate furiously in the mens room- for all I know...
When I was 14, my then bf told me I kinda looked like Kate Moss. However, I didn't subsequently starve myself to keep that look. Or, more realistically, I never really looked like Kate Moss.
I think that's everyone I've been compared to. At least, thats all I can remember.
Any others you can think of? (referring to the 2 people that *might* read this, that know me...)
Thursday, July 21, 2005
I feel so bad, I feel so numb (yeah!) *rocks out
People are like Slinkys...
They're really good for nothing,
but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
They're really good for nothing,
but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
The lovers, the dreamers, and me...
California was wonderful. The flights to and from were... interesting. Traveling with a neurotic/psychotic grandmother, a mother stressing herself to the point of a coronary, and an 11 month old baby made for a blissful flight. I only could have hoped for a woman singing showtunes off key and a kid scraping his fingernails across a chalkboard for a "complete" flying experience.
Universal studios was a lot of fun. 3 slices of pizza and 3 cokes was $30. When we got back to the hotel I told my mom we had a 3 way with my sister and Van Helsing, we got on our knees for Fivel, and got hit on by Spiderman. If you've never been, I suggest Shrek 4-D and the Mummy ride. If you're sick of walking, hop on the back lot tour- its 45 minutes and you get to see a shredded Boeing 747 scene from War of the Worlds.
My brothers wedding was absolutely beautiful. My sisters were joking that the last 2 still unwed had a lot of work to do to one-up this wedding. All the groomsmen were in kilts, and the wedding party walked down to Cannon in D. The bride was led down by a bagpiper- and there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Even the best man (NRA-deer huntin-BFE livin eldest brother) welled up, which just makes it harder for the rest of us to hold back the tears.
I saw Fantasic 4 last night. Joe, be glad you missed it. Besides the acting that licks balls, there was a guy a few seats down from us that was talking to his invisible friend the entire movie, and laughing really loud at parts that were only supposed to be mild sarcastic humor. Or even better, when Johnny realizes he has fire power, the guy said "and they were all like "woah! hahaha!" or "FLAME ON!" about an hour before the character says it. Or, "Dr. DOOM!" 4 or 5 times before he turns into Dr. Doom. The character just had to be onscreen... nothing more. I still enjoyed it. I like most of the comic book movies. I just wish I hadn't paid $15.
Universal studios was a lot of fun. 3 slices of pizza and 3 cokes was $30. When we got back to the hotel I told my mom we had a 3 way with my sister and Van Helsing, we got on our knees for Fivel, and got hit on by Spiderman. If you've never been, I suggest Shrek 4-D and the Mummy ride. If you're sick of walking, hop on the back lot tour- its 45 minutes and you get to see a shredded Boeing 747 scene from War of the Worlds.
My brothers wedding was absolutely beautiful. My sisters were joking that the last 2 still unwed had a lot of work to do to one-up this wedding. All the groomsmen were in kilts, and the wedding party walked down to Cannon in D. The bride was led down by a bagpiper- and there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Even the best man (NRA-deer huntin-BFE livin eldest brother) welled up, which just makes it harder for the rest of us to hold back the tears.
I saw Fantasic 4 last night. Joe, be glad you missed it. Besides the acting that licks balls, there was a guy a few seats down from us that was talking to his invisible friend the entire movie, and laughing really loud at parts that were only supposed to be mild sarcastic humor. Or even better, when Johnny realizes he has fire power, the guy said "and they were all like "woah! hahaha!" or "FLAME ON!" about an hour before the character says it. Or, "Dr. DOOM!" 4 or 5 times before he turns into Dr. Doom. The character just had to be onscreen... nothing more. I still enjoyed it. I like most of the comic book movies. I just wish I hadn't paid $15.
Monday, July 04, 2005
there's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt
Sometime between noticing that neighbor kids pulled the flowers off the lillies outside our door, and the fountain (fireworks) that was blazing a foot away from my driverside door I wondered...
just HOW illegal is it to set up bear traps outside the house with signs that say "F*** OFF AND DIE"..
i really want bear traps..
is it really so wrong to help cleanse the gene pool of these assclowns?
happy f**kin 4th of july.
On another 4th note: anyone remember the guy who went on a rampage (of the white supremacy kind) today about... 6..7? years ago? ended up killing himself in this pickup truck at the end? all i really remember is that he was driving around shooting at anyone not caucasian.. i think one of the people he killed was a korean exchange student.
but i swear, if anyone sets off another damn firework NEXT TO my car... there will be hell to pay...
HELL I SAY
just HOW illegal is it to set up bear traps outside the house with signs that say "F*** OFF AND DIE"..
i really want bear traps..
is it really so wrong to help cleanse the gene pool of these assclowns?
happy f**kin 4th of july.
On another 4th note: anyone remember the guy who went on a rampage (of the white supremacy kind) today about... 6..7? years ago? ended up killing himself in this pickup truck at the end? all i really remember is that he was driving around shooting at anyone not caucasian.. i think one of the people he killed was a korean exchange student.
but i swear, if anyone sets off another damn firework NEXT TO my car... there will be hell to pay...
HELL I SAY
Thursday, June 30, 2005
besides getting forwards about loving christ, this is what i get sent... does anyone actually write letters anymore?
What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
Shoot him again.
How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
OR Three- one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
How does a man keep his youth?
By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
Shoot him again.
How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
OR Three- one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
How does a man keep his youth?
By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Thank you for calling Babbages, the power of hell compels you. " What? " How can I help you?
I saw a police car outside of work. My first reaction was "I should slow down in the parking lot." When I realized there wasn't anyone in the car I thought, what the hell is a cop buying at Kmart at 9:50 pm- and why did he park right in front of the store?" When I walked in and back to the break room, I was passed by a woman in handcuffs and a policeman following her out. Then i felt the little lightbulb over my head turn on, and I felt like a retard. It was a little awkward. She looked late 40s- early 50s... or she just might not take care of herself, and is really only 36. Probably has a couple kids and a drunk boyfriend back home. Maybe she steals because her family is starving. If that is the case, hopefully they are hungry for $50 worth of press-on nails. (or perfume.. or clothing..).
I've never really liked telling people where I work. "Kmart" doesn't really have connotations that command respect. But they pay me well and I don't deal with people. So that's a bonus. But, my time there is coming to a close. As well as my stay in Kalamazoo. I've been here since August of '99 when I started school. I graduated July of '04 and just kinda stuck around. I'm one of those people that fear change and become paralized into inaction by the thought of failure and responsibility.
I recieved my bachelors because I knew it wouldn't be hard. If I wasn't so damn lazy I could have four pointed and been in the honors program, but instead I settled for a 3.3 and avoided giving myself another ulcer. The first one was at 13 I think.
Now, I am forcing myself to change my life. I'm moving back to the east side of the state within a month with a new place to call home and hopefully a job that doesn't require a box cutter.
I'm sure Gerardo, the guy who cleans the floors will miss me. I've had 1 stalker, 1 assault, and many guys fall in love with me- all Mexican guys cleaning the floors for Kmart. Why? 2 things. 1) im blonde- it's a status thing and/or a fetish thing. 2) the managers have me translate for them when theres a problem- in mexico girls only talk to guys when they want to date them- so just by telling them "hey, go mop up the shit by motor oil" they think OMG she wants me.
I almost got knifed by one guys wife for this. She thought I wanted her ugly little wookie of a man all for myself. I attempted to explain that in the states you can talk to whoever you want and i'm just practing my spanish. She told me that he tells her our conversations. I think one of them is lying. The extent of our conversations is "hi how are you" "fine" "its hot today" "yes" "have a lot of work?" "always".
I can totally see where I was saying "take me on the floor, manmeat". Especially when I walk down the aisle in underwear, in slow motion, with a fan blowing my hair back, holding a sign in spanish that says "do me."
*shrug*
I've never really liked telling people where I work. "Kmart" doesn't really have connotations that command respect. But they pay me well and I don't deal with people. So that's a bonus. But, my time there is coming to a close. As well as my stay in Kalamazoo. I've been here since August of '99 when I started school. I graduated July of '04 and just kinda stuck around. I'm one of those people that fear change and become paralized into inaction by the thought of failure and responsibility.
I recieved my bachelors because I knew it wouldn't be hard. If I wasn't so damn lazy I could have four pointed and been in the honors program, but instead I settled for a 3.3 and avoided giving myself another ulcer. The first one was at 13 I think.
Now, I am forcing myself to change my life. I'm moving back to the east side of the state within a month with a new place to call home and hopefully a job that doesn't require a box cutter.
I'm sure Gerardo, the guy who cleans the floors will miss me. I've had 1 stalker, 1 assault, and many guys fall in love with me- all Mexican guys cleaning the floors for Kmart. Why? 2 things. 1) im blonde- it's a status thing and/or a fetish thing. 2) the managers have me translate for them when theres a problem- in mexico girls only talk to guys when they want to date them- so just by telling them "hey, go mop up the shit by motor oil" they think OMG she wants me.
I almost got knifed by one guys wife for this. She thought I wanted her ugly little wookie of a man all for myself. I attempted to explain that in the states you can talk to whoever you want and i'm just practing my spanish. She told me that he tells her our conversations. I think one of them is lying. The extent of our conversations is "hi how are you" "fine" "its hot today" "yes" "have a lot of work?" "always".
I can totally see where I was saying "take me on the floor, manmeat". Especially when I walk down the aisle in underwear, in slow motion, with a fan blowing my hair back, holding a sign in spanish that says "do me."
*shrug*
Monday, June 20, 2005
Move forward and die, move backward and die... so you might as well move forward.
I've just gotten back from a week back home. (East side of the state.) It went well. I didn't want to gouge my eyes out with a spork, or drive my car into the Detroit river. I think that's a good thing.
Welcome back, Joe.
Welcome back, Joe.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
joke
A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs,
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband says, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she says.
"Just get the hell out."
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband says, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she says.
"Just get the hell out."
Sunday, June 05, 2005
life expectancy
http://www.nmfn.com/tnetwork/longevity_game_popup.html
im expected to live to 91.
I've always thought 27.
So i either have 4 years.. or 68.
Here's to fate *cheers*
im expected to live to 91.
I've always thought 27.
So i either have 4 years.. or 68.
Here's to fate *cheers*
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Don't Cha?
Wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
For some reason... this song bothers me.
There are a lot of songs that bother me. But I have this one stuck in my head from hearing it last night at work. Maybe it will slowly drive me crazy. To the point where my boyfriend and I are walking aroung the mall, I spot a hot girl, and sucker punch him in the stomach saying "don't cha whish your girlfriend was hot like her??? Don't cha?? I'll never be good enough for you, will I??" Then run off half crying in a fit of rage, only to be hit by a H2 driven by some sorority girl in a Hooters t shirt, listening to "Don't cha."
Or...
you know...
not.
For some reason... this song bothers me.
There are a lot of songs that bother me. But I have this one stuck in my head from hearing it last night at work. Maybe it will slowly drive me crazy. To the point where my boyfriend and I are walking aroung the mall, I spot a hot girl, and sucker punch him in the stomach saying "don't cha whish your girlfriend was hot like her??? Don't cha?? I'll never be good enough for you, will I??" Then run off half crying in a fit of rage, only to be hit by a H2 driven by some sorority girl in a Hooters t shirt, listening to "Don't cha."
Or...
you know...
not.
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