The Magazine Rack

Every month in Esquire you'll find a page thats titled something like Ten Things Men Don't Know About Women... or something to that effect. Then some random chick in the public eye writes up a list of 10 things. Usually at some point they'll say one like "You want that threesome with the hot chick at work? So do we. Why don't you go ask her." Which makes me wonder if there are actually a high percentage of women that are repressing lesbian tendencies and haven't told their boyfriend/husband, or if the articles has a threesome reference quota of at least once per '10 things' to turn on the men the magazine is geared towards. In any case, I'm going to put in my two cents and make my own "10 things list" for the general male public. If you already know these things, good for you. If you want to dispute my list- bite it. It's just my opinion. ;) In no particular order..

• You know all those axe/tag/ whatever body spray ads that have women fighting each other and flinging themselves at the good smelling guy? There's a hint of truth in that. Girls like guys that smell great. Insta-points for you. If you walk by a table of girls and they can smell your cologne (not so much it's gagging them) they will turn their heads to see who smells so good.
• Be nice to your mom. It's a reflection of how you treat women. Unless she's a total heinous bitch, then avoid her instead of yelling at her.
• We like that guys can kill bugs for us, stay calm in stressful/dangerous situations, can maintain our car, and eat like a man.
• Give compliments, but be sincere. It doesn't even have to be that often, maybe once a month. We remember these things.
• Instead of saying thank you when we make dinner, how about washing the dishes. Even better is if you know how to cook, and do it on a regular basis to give us a break. Chicks dig guys who can cook.
• Manscaping- learn it, love it.
• Men crying is only allowed when there is a death, you just got dumped by the girl you thought you'd be with forever, dismemberment, or a kick to the nuts. Movies are a grey area- unless you're crying and she isn't.... that's just wrong.
• Knowing how to dress yourself and match does not make you gay. Dressing well does not make you gay. Wearing pink does not make you gay- but it doesn't look right on all men. Having sex with other men makes you gay.
• We are always watching you. I mean that in a good way. There are a million little things that you do, that we love, and will never tell you.
• #10 will be the fine print rule that allows us to change our minds at a moments notice. It happens a lot. Accept it.