this is an emergency, dont you hide your eyes from me, open them and see me now

twice now ive attempted to do my christmas shopping to get it over with, and twice now ive come home empty handed.
well, technically not empty handed... i bought a #4 from mcdonalds (no pickles)...
i have no idea what to get anyone... on a budget.. and not make it look like i had a budget...
any ideas?

if all else fails..
everyone is getting a hooker.

a hooker bought on a budget..

so she might be a little gross.. but still- it's the thought that counts, right? ;)

It’s hard to say it, time to say it Goodbye goodbye

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home,'" " It sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "it's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know >>>> you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fish.
5. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of >>>> himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did




There she go talking her mess
all around time makin me stressed
I need to get this off my chest
and if ya girl want some then she'll be next
it aint really that complicated
ya'll lookin round like ya'll all frustrated
Ya actin real hard but I know your fakin
I know you really dont wanna step to this
I really dont know why you talkin shit
you about to catch one right in the lip
there's 'bout to be a -WHAT?!-

This is what I came up with after finally seeing the pix posting...
http://coh.com/community/halloween_images.html

Guesses for the Halloween Contest winners:

Best Male:
Kor #40
Argonnus #3

Best Female:
Frostfarie #31
Ravenna #53

Scariest:
Hypothermia #16
Kill the Clown #28

Scariest/Location:
Admiral Steaksauce #9 ?
Necro Femme #11 ?

Overall:
Conflicted Nature #30
Shadow Vixen #19

i see that avonlea and firedust have entered again- i wonder if i should have gone with jericca but.. "meh"... im starting to wonder about that avonlea guy. he really likes to dress up as her ;)

too bad there isnt a most daring again. :P

maybe next year....

from bikes to trains to video games...

i always thought that the Kmart radio network blew chunks- especially at christmas time. you hear three versions of the 12 days of christmas, one of which is sung by the muppets. now, all my friends know that i likes me a good muppet movie. however, listening to miss piggy sing "5 golden rings" over and over makes one want to slam their balls in the sliding glass door. or, in my case- being ball-less, to hang myself from the rafters with barbed wire.
unfornunately, toys r us radio is worse. i havent heard the muppets sing 12 days of christmas, but sylvester singing frosty the snowman has the same effect on me. it doesnt stop there, though... there is quite an array of characters to choose from, all singing different christmas songs.. on a 4 hour loop.
no matter how i try to block it out.. it just seems to pierce my soul.
just another reason to hate the holidays.
and its not even december yet.
merry f'n christmas.